Gazette Randomness
by Yuuzami
Summary: This is what happens when I'm bored and have nothing better to do. I write up random crap involving the Gazette. Rated M just to be safe.
1. Problems, Jokes and Barbie Dolls

**XxxxxxX**

**Ruki's Dating Problems**

Ruki: - is sitting across the table in a booth from Reila – "You have… the most amazing…body." – speaking flirtatiously -

Reila: - acting cool – "Thank-you."

Ruki: "Do you know who I am?"

Reila: "No."

Ruki: "I'm kind of a big deal."

Reila: "That's great." – not impressed –

Ruki: "People know me."

Reila: "Whatever." – still not impressed –

Ruki: "I could make you very rich."

Reila: "Don't care." – walks off with what remaining dignity she has left -

Ruki: - has been owned –

**XxxxxxX**

**Kai's Quest to Make Someone Laugh**

Kai: "Hey Aoi…"

Aoi: "What?" – turns to look at him –

Kai: "I've got THE best joke for you!!!" – looks excited – "It'll even make an emo like you smile!!"

Aoi: -_-"

Kai: "Okay… so there was this guy who went to this farmer and said…"

Aoi: "Kai… I've heard this joke already. It's not funny." – gets up and leaves –

Kai: -pouts and then waits for someone else to come in the living room –

Uruha: - comes in and sits down in the exact same seat as Aoi and smiles at Kai – "Hey Kai…"

Kai: - interrupts him – "Can I tell you a joke Uruha? Our emo didn't want to hear it."

Uruha: "Ummmm…."

Kai: "Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease??!!!" – puts on a cute, pouty face –

Uruha: - caves – "Okay… fine. Just make sure it isn't a dumb blonde joke, okay?"

Kai: - nods – "It's not." – smiles – "Okay so, there was this guy who went to this farmer and said bring me two of your…"

Uruha: - cell phone rings – "Sorry Kai… I have to take this." – gives him an apologetic look and leaves –

Kai: - sighs – "No one wants to hear my joke…" – looks downcast –

Ruki: - happens to overhear as he's walking past and sits down in the same seat as the first two – "What joke?"

Kai: - looks hopeful – "Is your cell on?"

Ruki: "No… why?"

Kai: "You're not as emo as Aoi right?"

Ruki: - puzzled – "No…."

Kai: - all smiles – "Good. Now I can tell you my joke!!"

Ruki: - rolls eyes – "Okay, shoot."

Kai: "Right; so there was this guy who went to this farmer and said bring me two of your sexiest…"

Ruki: - isn't even paying attention; staring out into space –

Kai: "RUKI!!!!"

Ruki: -jumps – "What? What?!!"

Kai: "Never mind… you're hopeless." – shoos him away with his hand –

Ruki: - looks insulted – "Well fine then!!" – storms off –

Kai: - groans – "Will no one listen to my joke??!!"

Reita: -walks in holding onigiri – "Na, Kai… I will." – sits down, again in the same spot as everyone else –

Kai: "Yay!! I know you'll listen Reita!!" – smiles again – "There was this guy who went to this farmer and said bring me to of your sexiest animals. The farmer went back into his barn and brought back a brown chicken and a brown cow."

Reita: - starts nibbling on onigiri while listening intently to Kai's joke –

Kai: - continues – "The guy said, 'why are those animals any sexier than the others?' The farmer answered, 'well because, son… it's brown-chicken-brown-cow!!!!" – starts howling with laughter –

Reita: - finishes eating onigiri and looks at Kai as if he's an alien – "That's the lamest joke I've EVER heard Kai. Kai? Kai…? Are you okay…?"

Kai: - is laughing so hard that his face is blue and eventually passes into unconsciousness –

Reita: - stands up and looks him over – "Yeah… that seems about right." – walks out of the room leaving the unconscious Kai –

So yes… Kai succeeded in making someone laugh: himself.

**XxxxxxX**

**Barbie Dolls**

Uruha: "God I feel so emo…" – is sitting in his bedroom all by himself – "I can't believe Aoi dumped me…hmmmm… I need something to cheer me up…" – looks around the room – "I don't see anyth-" – stops immediately when he looks at his closet. Then walks over, opens it, pulls a whole crapload of clothes out, lifts up a dusty box and carries it back to where he had been sitting. Opens it – "Hahahahaha… perfect…"

(- Five minutes later -)

Reita: - is walking past Uruha's room when he hears him talking to himself – "Uruha?" – sticks his head in and sees him playing with a barbie doll and a ken doll – "Dude…"

Uruha: - looks embarrassed – "Uh, Reita… hi. This was nothing I mean… I don't play with dolls…"

Reita: - cuts him off - "Can I join?"

Uruha: - looks pleasantly surprised – "Sure!!!"

both start playing with the dolls: Uruha's ken and Reita's barbie –

Ruki: - walks into Uruha's room – "Hey Uruha I need to talk to…" – eyes widen and he stares at both of them – "OH MY GOD GUYS!!! SERIOUSLY??!!!"

both look at him, highly embarrassed –

Reita: "Ruki we were just…"

Uruha: "…we didn't mean…"

Ruki: - looks appalled – "YOU'RE DOING IT ALL WRONG!!!!"

Both: "Huh??!!"

Ruki: - reaches into the box and pulls out another ken doll. Takes Reita's barbie doll and throws her across the other side of the room. Shoves the ken doll into Reita's hands –

Ruki: "It's not supposed to be girl-guy!!!! It's supposed to be guy-guy!!!! God!!! And you're supposed to be my boyfriend Reita?" – rolls eyes and leaves seeming disgusted –

Uruha: O_O"

Reita: "What…the…fuck?"


	2. Beans, Misinterpretation, NO and Quiz

**XxxxxxX**

**Beans**

Kai: - walks into Ruki's dressing room as he's putting on some makeup – "Hey Ruki… want to hear a poem?" – cheerful –

Ruki: "Sure Kai… why not?" – applying mascara to his gorgeous eyelashes –

Kai: "Beans, beans the magical fruit…"

Ruki: ^_^

Kai: "The more you eat the more you toot…"

Ruki: O_e

Kai: "Beans, beans, they're good for your heart…"

Ruki: …

Kai: "The more you eat, the more you fart…"

Ruki: - rolls eyes –

Kai: "The more you fart the better you feel, so eat beans at every meal!!!" – smiling childishly –

Ruki: -_-"

Kai: "Beans, beans they give you gas. They go in your mouth and come out your-"

Ruki: - whirls around – "THAT'S ENOUGH!!!!" – smacks him –

Kai: "Ow!!!!"

**XxxxxxX**

**Misinterpreted**

Reita: - is eating onigiri incredibly fast –

Ruki: "Reita… if you keep eating like that you'll end up choking…"

Reita: - swallows too fast- "Erk…. Ruki…" – choking –

Ruki: "Oh for god's sake Reita!!" – goes into position for the Heimlich maneuver – "What did I just freakin' tell you??!! That's right in, out, in, out, in, out!!" – tries to force Reita to bend over – "Bend over Reita!! Now!!!"

Reita: - gasping – "Can't…breathe…I'm…dying…here…"

Reila: - comes from around the corner – "Ruki? What's going on…?"

Reita: "Ahhh… Ruki…"

Ruki: "Just one more thrust Reita."

Reita: - still gasping – "Stop it…Ruki…I…can't…breathe…it…hurts…"

Reila: - eyes widen and gets excited – "Oh my god a Yaoi moment!!!! Can I watch?!!!" – pulls out a camera and starts filming –

Reita: - blushes like hell as Ruki's grip lessens slightly –

Ruki: "FOR CRYING OUT LOUD REILA!!! I'M TRYING TO GIVE HIM THE HEIMLICH MANEUVER!!! NOT A BLOW JOB!!!"

**XxxxxxX**

**Some things are better left un-answered**

Aoi: "Hey look Uruha, I'm awesome at playing the guitar!!"

Uruha: - rolls eyes – "Congratulations for pointing that out. What do you want me to do, have sex with you?"

Aoi: - remains silent for a few seconds – "Do you expect me to answer that?"

Uruha: "NO!!!"

**XxxxxxX**

**Taken Literally**

Kai: "Hey Uruha… you know you're wearing man shorts right? And you look like a chick?"

Uruha: - glares at him - "Bite me."

Kai: -goes over to him and bites his neck –

Uruha: - smacks him and then clutches where he'd been bitten – "Ouch!!! What the hell was that for?!!"

Kai: - rubs the side of his face – "Hey, you said 'bite me.'"

**XxxxxxX**

**Reila's Interviews to Find the Perfect Father**

Reila: - is sitting on a chair across from the Gazette who are crammed together on one couch – "So guys…" – holds up a pad and paper that has writing on it – "I'm thinking… that possibly… when I'm a few years older, I'd like to have a child or two. Now, Miyavi and I…"

Ruki: "Wait… Miyavi put you up to this?!!!" – sighs – "Why are we doing this?!!"

Reita: - smacks him – "Shut up. She needs our help."

Reila: "Thanks Reita." – smiles – "Anyway, Miyavi and I came up with the best questions to figure out if any of you guys would be the perfect father for my child."

Ruki: "Who says we want to be a father?!!" – doesn't like the idea at all –

Reita: - smacks him again – "Shut up and let her finish!!!"

Ruki: - rolls eyes – "Fine…"

Reila: - looks at Ruki with a smirk – "Like I was saying… these are questions to see who would be the best. Okay… now…" – looks at pad – "The first question is… what is your gender preference when it comes to babies?"

Ruki: "I don't want kids."

Reita: "Ummmm… I'm not really sure."

Uruha: "I'd want a girl. I'd be the perfect dad to teach her about fashion."

Ruki: "She'd think you were totally gay."

Uruha: - mouth falls open – "You jerk!!"

Reila: "Guys cool it!!! Aoi? Kai? What about you guys?"

Aoi: "I'd want a guy."

Reila: "Why?"

Aoi: - grins devilishly – "Because he'd be just as sexy as me."

Ruki: - laughs –

Kai: "I don't really care. I think it'd be great to have either or. I think it's kind of sexist to pick one specific gender. Especially if you don't get the gender you were hoping for. Then what would you do?"

Reila: - smiles – "That's amazing Kai!!" – scribbles something down –

Reita: - glares –

Uruha: - pouts –

Aoi: - crosses arms –

Ruki: - doesn't seem to care –

Reila: "Right, okay… the next one… what do you think it means to be a father?"

Ruki: "For God's sake Reila, I don't want to be a dad!!! Don't ask me!!" – tries to get up but is stuck next to the other guys on the couch –

Reita: "I'd be the kind of father who's there to help them with homework, you know? As a teenager, I hated it when I couldn't understand things. That's what I'd be there for."

Uruha: "I'd be my child's best friend. Sure, I'd be disciplinary, but I'd want to have a close relationship with my kid."

Aoi: "I'd take care of them well when they're young, but once they reach puberty, all I'd be there for is easy cash. They want money, they'd get it. That's what a dad's really for anyway, right?"

Reila: "Wow… Aoi… that's just… uh… nevermind. Kai?" – wasn't impressed at all by his answer -

Kai: "Hmmmm, well… to be a real father, you'd have to be there to comfort them and lift them back onto their feet. I'd want to be their friend, but I'd be their father first. I'd be their everyday of their life because I don't think I could stay away from them, you know?"

Reila: - is beaming – "Wow!!! Kai… that's… amazing!!!"

Kai: - blushes slightly –

Reita: "Grrrrrrr…"

Uruha: "What a joke."

Aoi: "Hmph. My answer was better."

Ruki: - is trying not to laugh at how pathetic the whole thing is –

Reila: "Alright, third question… if the baby's crying, what do you do?"

Reita: "Cover my ears and try to get back to sleep."

Uruha: "Yell at it to stop screaming?" – confused by the question –

Aoi: "Lock it in the basement until it stops crying, throw it out the window or get a hotel room and let a babysitter take care of it." – nods and grins -

Reila: O_O "Aoi!!!! That's horrible!!!!"

Aoi: - continues smiling – "I know."

Reila: - looks horrified and then scribbles something else down – "And…. Kai?"

Kai: "Just do whatever it takes to make it stop crying without hurting it," – looks at Aoi – "Ignoring it," – looks at Reita – "And once it stops I'd go back to bed."

Reila: "Makes sense… Ruki?"

Ruki: "I'm not contributing to this waste of time."

Reila: … - stares blankly –

Ruki: "Seriously… stop that."

Reila: …

Ruki: O_e

Reila: …

Ruki: "FOR GOD'S SAKE I'LL ANSWER THE DAMN QUESTION!!! JUST STOP THE EYE THING!!!" – angry –

Reila: - smirks – "Works every time…"

Ruki: "I'd just give the kid to Aoi. There. You happy?"

Aoi: - laughs –

Reila: -_- - sigh - "Oh fine… whatever!" – writes something down –

Uruha: "So who would be the perfect father?"

Reila: "I'm not done asking questions yet..."

Uruha: - frowns – "Fine. Don't blame me for being impatient" – rolls eyes –

Reila: "Say I'm getting a really bad craving for some kind of food. I ask you to go and get it for me… what would you do?"

Reita and Kai: "Go and get it for you."

Uruha: - looks like he's thinking too hard - - starts pulling on his hair – "Mmph! I don't know!"

Aoi: "Damnit Reila! You made him think too hard!" – rubs the back of Uruha's head for him –

Reila: "Ummmm… what the hell?" – shakes head – "Anyway… Aoi?"

Aoi: "I'd tell you to get off your own lazy ass and get it."

Reila: "Oh that hurts." – sarcasm – "Ruki?"

Ruki: "Same as Aoi."

Reila: "Why?"

Ruki: "Because you annoy the hell out of me. I wouldn't be caught dead or alive fathering your demon seed."

All the others guys: - mouths fall open - -eyes huge – -completely silent –

Reila: "Oh… well whatever. You'd be a horrible father anyway."

Ruki: "Your retaliation attempts make me laugh… Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha-Ha." – rolls eyes –

Reita: "Okay seriously Reila... you've hurt Uruha's brain, pissed of both Aoi and Ruki, left me and Kai hanging... who'd be the best father? You might as well answer now. Obviously the rest of us can't handle this kind of thing."

Aoi, Uruha and Ruki: - glare at him –

Reita: "What?" – shrugs –

Kai: "That was so not cool."

Reita: "Whatever… Reila?"

Reila: "There's no way I could decide now," – is flipping through notepad thing – "I have like hundreds of questions to ask and…" – looks up at the Gazette –

The guys: - have all run out the front door –

Reila: - smiles and then leans back over her chair – "You got all that?"

Miyavi: - stands up holding a tape recorder – "Yeah… and it's ALL going on Youtube."


	3. Feelings, The Noseband, and Kai's Mind

**XxxxxxX**

**Aoi's Feelings**

Aoi: - is looking over at Uruha –

Uruha: - is standing next to Reita (his boyfriend) –

Aoi: - turns to Kai who he is standing beside - - points at Uruha – "He wants me."

Kai: "Hmmmm… and you want him, right?"

Aoi: "Well yeah… but he has a boyfriend."

Kai: "Do you think he is pretty?"

Aoi: "Yeah."

Kai: "Do you think he is sexy?"

Aoi: "Yeah."

Kai: "Do you love him?"

Aoi: "Yeah, yeah… of course. Are these questions even relevant?"

Kai: - tsk-tsks – "My clearly blind friend…" – shakes head – "I need to know the basics before I give you my advice."

Aoi: "Basics? What the hell's wrong with you? You were the first person to know I loved Uruha!"

Kai: ^_^" "Uh, well that's beside the point. Anyway…" – looks Aoi in the eyes – "You need to confess your undying love to him."

Aoi: -_- "You had Corn Pops for breakfast again, didn't you?"

Kai: "…no. I'm just telling you what you should do. It makes sense."

Aoi: "Actually… your advice sucks."

Kai: - shrugs – "Fine. Then live your life and die. You'll regret never telling him."

Aoi: - serious face – "You know what? I'm going to do it!!"

Kai: "Good for you!"

Aoi: - walks over to Uruha and Reita –

Reita: "What do you want emo?"

Aoi: -_- "Okay…" – looks at Uruha after glaring at Reita – "… Uruha I have something I must tell you!" – nods head –

Uruha: - looks kind of puzzled – "Sure… what?"

Aoi: - throws arms up in the air – "I love you!!!"

Ruki: - is sitting on the couch nearby and spits out his coffee –

Uruha: …

Reita: …

Aoi: … - head hangs low – "Okay… never mind then." – turns to walk away –

Uruha: - grabs his wrist and turns him around - - starts kissing him –

Reita: O_O "WHAT THE HELL URUHA??!!!"

Uruha: - lets go of Aoi for a few seconds and looks over his shoulder at Reita – "It never would've worked between us." – goes back to making-out with Aoi –

Reita: "But….uhg…bjvsk….oh forget it!!!" – turns and storms off – "I'll just date Ruki then!" – slams the door on his way out –

Ruki: "FINALLY!!!" -runs out after Reita-

Uruha and Aoi: - are still making out- - fall to the floor and start undressing each other –

Kai: - is starting to feel uncomfortable – "Okay guys… I got you two together… shouldn't that be enough for now? Seriously you don't have to do this right now…"

Uruha and Aoi: - start having full-throttle sex –

Kai: - covers his eyes – "OH MY VIRGIN EYES!!!!"

**XxxxxxX**

**The Noseband**

Kai: "Hey Ruki…"

Ruki: - looks up from magazine – "Yeah? What?" – is really bored –

Kai: "Have you ever wondered what's under Reita's noseband?"

Ruki: - suddenly sits up straighter and becomes interested – "No… why?"

Kai: "Well… wouldn't it be freaky if he had some deformality or something?"

Ruki: "You think he's deformed?!!"

Kai: "Maybe…" – suddenly looks horrified – "What if he doesn't have a nose??!!!"

Ruki: - pales and swallows nervously – "H-he has to have a nose… o-or why would he call i-it a noseband?" – wipes forehead – "Is it getting hot in here or is it just me?"

Kai: "What if there's just a big, black hole instead of a nose? Maybe that's what he's hiding…"

Ruki: - looks truly terrified now – "Se-seriously Kai… stop it. You're sca-scaring me."

Kai: "It might be true, you know. He's probably like some Asian version of the Phantom of the Opera."

Ruki: "Don't you think you've taken things a little far?"

Kai: "Not really."

silence –

Kai: "You want to go and see?"

Ruki: "Yeah… because what I'm thinking of can't be right."

Both: - walk down the hall and enter his room –

Kai: "Damn. He's not here."

Ruki: "Where is he then?"

Kai: "Don't know. Don't care."

Ruki: "Don't care?! What the hell?!!"

Kai: "Well, since he's obviously not here right now, we could always just find someone that's seen him with it off."

Ruki: "Who? He's never taken that thing off!"

Kai: - light bulb clicks over head – "We can try Aoi first. I remember reading something online about him and Reita. Apparently Reita wasn't wearing his noseband and Aoi was with him."

Ruki: "Then what're we standing here for?! Let's go!!"

Both: - leave Reita's room and enter the living room to see Aoi just lying on the couch –

Aoi: - looks up at them – "Hey guys." – looks at Ruki – "What has you so spooked?"

Ruki: "It's nothing. I just-"

Kai: "He's never seen Reita without his noseband. He thinks his nose is something really scary or whatever."

Aoi: - smirks – "…and why are you talking to me?"

Kai: "We were hoping you may have seen what he looks like without it."

Aoi: "And you want me to tell you?"

Both: - nod -

Aoi: "Well…" – pauses and then smirks again – "… it's actually really gross. His nose is mashed up and squashed; it's almost like someone who'd been using clay smushed something together and plastered that on his face. It's so nasty. Plus, the mucus and everything is all over the place. That's why he wears his noseband. It's to cover his ugly nose and soak up the snot. Why do you think he always does the laundry?"

Ruki: - is paler than pale and is in absolute shock –

Kai: - waves a hand in front of his face – "Ruki?" – snaps his fingers in front of his face – "Ruki? Damnit Aoi! He's totally gone! I can't believe you lied to him like that!"

Aoi: - is now on the floor rolling around and laughing – "I… can't… believe… he… bought… it!!" – continues laughing until he's crying and even then keeps laughing –

Kai: "Ruki?" – stares right into his eyes –

Ruki: - doesn't budge –

Kai: - smacks him over the head –

Ruki: - snaps out of it – "Ow!! What the hell was that for??!!"

Kai: "Aoi screwed with your brain again. I had to bring you back to earth."

Aoi: - is laughing like a madman on the floor –

Ruki: "I was wondering why he was laughing. It doesn't make any sense to see an emo laugh." – rubs his head – "That actually hurt."

Kai: "Sorry."

Ruki: "Whatever. What were we doing, anyway?"

Kai: "Trying to figure out what's under Reita's noseband."

Ruki: - suddenly pales again – "That's why you hit me…"

Kai: "Stop picturing what Aoi said you freakin' moron!!!" – hits him again only harder –

Ruki: "Ow!!! Okay!! Okay!! I won't!! Just don't hit me anymore!!!"

Kai: - is pleased with self –

Aoi: - is still laughing and really red in the face –

Both: - look down at him, at each other, and down at him again - - they leave the room after shrugging –

Ruki: "So now what?"

Kai: "Well Aoi lied to our faces. Hmmmm…"

Ruki: "Uruha's known him since… forever… I bet he's seen him."

Kai: "Good idea!!"

Both: - walk down the other hall to Uruha's room - - knock on the door –

Uruha: - opens the door – "Hey guys. What's up?" – looks at Ruki – "Is he sick or something?"

Kai: "Yeah, you could say that."

Ruki: - laughs nervously and pulls a hand through his hair –

Uruha: "So… what do you guys want?"

Kai: "We were just wondering if you'd seen Reita without his noseband before."

Uruha: - smiles – "Yeah. I have."

Ruki: - goes down on knees in a begging position – "Please don't make up some lie about what it looks like!!! Please just tell us the truth!!!"

Uruha: - looks up at Kai – "Did Aoi do something to him again?"

Kai: - sighs and nods – "Unfortunately… yes."

Uruha: - looks back down at Ruki – "Ruki I suggest you get off the floor and stop begging because if any fangirls saw you doing that they'd be thinking of something completely different."

Ruki: - stands up and dusts self off – "You're right. Sorry."

Kai: - turns to him – "Do you have _any_ shame?"

Ruki: "Uh…"

Kai: "Don't answer that."

Uruha: "Are you guys done?"

Both: "Yes."

Uruha: "Do you really want to know what's under his noseband?"

Kai: "That's why we're here."

Ruki: "God yes!!!"

Uruha: - faceplam – "Ruki… you have no idea just how gay that sounded, do you?"

Ruki: - blank stare –

Kai: "Try to use small words Uruha. He's a little slow today."

Uruha: - rolls eyes – "Whatever. You see Reita-"

Reita: - walks into the room – "What's this about me?"

Ruki: "Nothing!"

Kai: "We were just-"

Uruha: "-they're leaving."

All three: - stop –

Reita: "What the hell? Seriously, what's up with you guys? First Aoi and now you three…"

Uruha: - suddenly looks interested – "Wait… Aoi?"

Reita: "Yeah. I walked into the living room to ask him where Ruki was and he started laughing." – looks confused – "I have no idea what's up with him. Maybe Meevs slipped him something at the meeting this morning…"

Kai: "Do you always talk to yourself Reita?"

Reita: -_- "No."

Ruki: - loses it – "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!! THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME!!!" – walks over and slips Reita's noseband off –

Kai: - gasps –

Ruki: - frozen solid in complete shock –

Uruha: - laughs – "What'd you guys expect? He's not a werewolf."

Reita: - has a perfectly normal and even SEXY nose – "Seriously guys… you need to work on your priorities."

Ruki: - mumbling and hands Reita back his noseband before leaving the room –

Kai: - bursts out laughing –

Reita: - ties his noseband back on –

Uruha: "What?" – confused –

Kai: "Aoi paid me twenty bucks to set this all up!!! Ruki's such a dumbass!!!"

Uruha: - looks at Reita – "We need some new bandmates."

**XxxxxxX**

**Small Minds**

Kai: - is playing with a container lid off a Ziploc thing at the dining table –

Ruki: - is sitting next to him - "Hey Kai, have you ever heard the saying?"

Kai: "What saying?"

Ruki: "Small things amuse small minds."

Kai: - looks down at the lid, at Ruki and then across the table at Uruha – "Well then Uruha's is pretty small."

Uruha: - smirks – "I'm not the one playing with the lid."


	4. Ruki's Terror and Uruha's Stupidity

**XxxxxxX**

**Ruki's Torture**

Kai: -claps hand together- "Okay guys!! Our manager wants us to try something new for our live today!!"

Ruki: -spits out his tea- "What?!! You've got to be kidding me!!"

Kai: "No… I'm serious."

Aoi: -rolls eyes- "Come on Ruki, nothing can be worse than having to do a live in fluffy rabbit ears, now can it?"

Ruki: "You have no idea how humiliating that was." –shudders- "Gackt has never let me live it down."

Aoi: "Exactly. What could our manager possibly have come up with now?"

(-Ten minutes later-)

Uruha: "CHECK MINE OUT!!! AREN'T THEY FAB?!!!"

Reita: -glares at Kai- "You knew the only way he'd go through with this would be if he was drunk, didn't you?"

Kai: -smiles innocently- "No…"

Uruha: -pouts- "You don't like them Reita?"

Reita: -turns and pokes Uruha in the forehead-

Uruha: -giggles- "Uh…oh." –falls back off his chair and passes out on the floor-

Kai: "Well at least he's done." –smiles-

Ruki: "NO!!!" –is holding a chair out in front of him- "I WON'T DO IT!!!"

Aoi: -hands on hips- "If I can do it, you can do it Ruki. You have no idea how much of a stab at my pride this is."

Ruki: -shakes head- "NO WAY!!! NEXT TIME HE'LL HAVE US DO THIS PLUS HE'LL PUT ME IN RABBIT EARS!! I DON'T THINK SO!!!"

Aoi: -takes a step closer-

Ruki: "DON'T YOU SEE WHAT HE'S DOING?!! HE'S TRYING TO MAKE US THINK THAT HE'S NOT ON GACKT'S SIDE!!! BUT I KNOW!! I KNOW HE IS!!!"

Reita: -looks over at Ruki- "Aren't you being a little paranoid?"

Ruki: "OF COURSE NOT!!! THE BOTOX-INJECTING, LAME EXCUSE FOR A JROCKER HAS HAD IT IN FOR ME FROM THE START BECAUSE OF MY NATURAL GORGEOUS LOOKS!!!"

Reita: "Can you even spell cool anymore?" -_-

Aoi: -grabs chair from Ruki while he's distracted- -pins him down to the floor- "Okay Ruki, if you don't cooperate, I'm going to be forced to do this to you."

Ruki: "AOI GET OFF OF ME!! CAN'T YOU SEE YOU'RE PLAYING RIGHT INTO HIS EVIL MANAGING HANDS?!!! HE WANTS YOU ALL TO TURN ON ME BECAUSE HE LIKES TORTURING ME!!!"

Aoi: -rolls eyes- "Yeah, sure, whatever." –grabs Ruki's wrist firmly and starts working instantly-

Ruki: -glares- "Damn you and your masculinity."

(-Ten more minutes later-)

Aoi: "See? Now was that so bad?"

Ruki: "Yes. Yes it was. This color is boring down into my soul and devouring it. Our fans are going to start mistaking me for Miku if they see me like this."

Reita: "No. They won't. They'll just think you're an insane queer who did ours while we were sleeping, and we didn't have time to remove it."

Ruki: -eyes light up- "We have remover?" –darts up from seat and runs to the bathroom-

Aoi: -drops the passed out Uruha who falls to the floor again, before dashing after Ruki and pinning him to the floor from behind- "Don't even think about it."

Kai: -snaps picture of them- "Awww you guys look so cute together."

Both: -glare at him-

Reita: "You know, realistically, we should all gang beat Kai. He's the one who can't say no to our manager."

Aoi, Ruki and Reita: -back Kai into a corner-

Uruha: -doesn't move from his spot on the floor-

Kai: -innocent face- "Hey guys now let's be reasonable… how was I supposed to know you all wouldn't like hot pink nails?"

**XxxxxxX**

**Schooling**

Uruha: -is sitting on a leather sofa in Aoi's apartment reading something-

Aoi: -walks in- "How the hell did you get into my apartment?"

Uruha: -flips a page in his book without looking up at him- "I stole your keys last week and had them cut me another pair."

Aoi: "Do you realize just how stalker-like you sound right now?"

Uruha: -shrugs- "Hey we're friends right." –looks up at him- "Have you ever considered leaving the band and going to school?"

Aoi: -eyes widen- -sits down beside him immediately- "This is a serious matter Uruha… are you joking?"

Uruha: -shakes his head- "No. I've thought about it many times."

Aoi: "Really?"

Uruha: "Yeah."

Aoi: -looks at him thoughtfully- "And where do you think you'd go?"

Uruha: -lifts up the book his was reading- "Here."

Aoi: -_- "Uruha… you do realize Hogwarts isn't a real school, right?"

**XxxxxxX**

**Shopping**

Uruha: -walks up to the other guys after rehearsal- "You guys up for some shopping?"

Reita: "Yeah sure. Where are we headed?"

Uruha: "Victoria's Secret. I need to pick up something."

Kai: o.O

Reita: O.O

Aoi: -_-

Ruki …

Uruha: "What?" –completely confused-

Reita: -puts a hand on his shoulder- "You are _so _gay."

**XxxxxxX**

**Dream Job**

Ruki: -is sitting in a van on the way to a live with the band- -turns to Kai- "What did you really want grow up to be when you were younger?"

Kai: -ponders that for a moment- "Well, I pictured myself being the kind of person who would go to a fifties café and write poetry."

Ruki: "What the hell?! Why?!"

Kai: -shrugs-

Uruha: -is sitting behind Ruki and beside Aoi- "Oh! Oh! Pick me Ruki! Pick me!!!" –all excited-

Aoi: -looks up from reading a magazine- "Would you please ask him or we'll be stuck listening to him whine for the rest of the ride."

Ruki: "Ehhh okay. Uruha… what about you?"

Uruha: -serious face- "My life goal has been to join Darth Vader in his quest to destroy the Jedi."

Reita, Kai, and Ruki: -stare at him in shock-

Aoi: "If you think that's bad, you don't even want to know where he intended to get an education."

**XxxxxxX**

**Kissing**

Uruha: -turns to Reita- "What am I supposed to do Reita? I mean, I love Aoi but I just don't know how to tell him." –sad face-

Reita: -puts finger to chin thoughtfully- -light bulb clicks over head- "You know what you need Uruha?"

Uruha: "What?"

Reita: "Something crazy. You know, if he responds with a weird look or a 'dude are you nuts,' then you can just laugh it off like you didn't mean it. Get what I mean?"

Uruha: -hugs him- "Thanks Reita!! I've got the perfect thing!!!" –walks to the other side of the room-

Reita: "I don't know if I can watch this," –put hands over face but watches Uruha through his fingers- "…he better not screw this up."

(-On the other side of the room-)

Uruha: -taps Aoi on the shoulder-

Aoi: -turns from talking to Ruki to Uruha- "Oh hey." –flicks some hair out of his face- "What's up?"

Uruha: -starts mumbling something under his breath- -sticks out his tongue and wiggles it around while his voice comes out garbled- "Hey Aoi!! This is French _air_ kissing!!!"

Aoi: -_-

Reita: -facepalm- "Dumbass."


	5. Sexuality, Winner, Gay and Hair Changes

**XxxxxxX**

**To be or not to be?**

The Gazette: -are all sitting down in Uruha's apartment drinking Coca Cola (and tea for the honey-blonde)-

Ruki: -takes a sip of Coke- "Hey guys… what makes you laugh at Gackt most? I mean besides the fact that he uses Botox to try and keep up with our naturally good looks."

Reita: -puts Coke down on the coffee table- "You should be more careful Ruki."

Ruki: -looks at him- "Why?"

Reita: -glances at Uruha and than back to Ruki- "Because if you keep saying that, you're bound to end up on the same level of gay as Uruha."

Uruha: -pouts- "I'm not gay."

Aoi: -spews out his Coke- "Come again?"

Uruha: "I'm not gay." –completely innocent face-

Aoi: -puts his can down on the table beside Reita's- "How can I explain this so it'll make sense to you?" –looks him right in the eyes- "If you're straight then that means Miyavi is actually _sane_."

Uruha: "…" –face blank- -blinks-

Ruki: "Okaaaaay… anyway…" –pulls hand through hair- "Anyone going to answer my question?"

Kai: -smiles- "You know, I think the world would explode if he didn't get what he wanted."

Reita: -chuckles- "Oh yes because that'd be _so_ catastrophic."

Aoi: "I'd love to have someone tell him to apologize for cursing. That'd be something to see."

Kai: -voice lowers as he takes a sip of Coke- "Much like seeing you shirtless."

Aoi: "What was that?"

Kai: "Nothing!" –blushes slightly-

Uruha: -glances from Kai to Aoi and then back to Kai- -evil face- "I know what you're thinking and I won't let it happen!!" –sticks his tongue out at him-

Kai: o.O

Aoi: -looks back and forth between the two of them- "Am I… missing something?"

Ruki: "Yes!! –slams Coke down on the coffee table- "The point of our conversation!! We're supposed to be slamming Gackt and his pathetic attempts to be pretty!!!"

Aoi and Kai: "Pretty?"

Reita: -picks up Coke and takes a sip- "You just bumped yourself up yet another level on the gay scale."

Ruki: "Ehhh sexy!! I meant sexy!!!" –curses under breath- "And there's no way I'm fucking gay!!"

Reita: "Prove it." –eyebrow raises-

Ruki: "What do you want me to do? Pick up some hooker off the streets and screw around with her?!!"

Reita: -shakes head- "That wouldn't work. Gays screw girls to make them think they're not gay when they're unsure of coming out of the closet. Right Uruha?"

Uruha: -had been staring at Aoi- -blinks as if coming out of a trance- "Huh? What?"

Reita: "Yeah…" -.- "And then comes the cluelessness."

Aoi: "No I'm pretty sure that's just Uruha."

Uruha: "…"

Kai: "Well this is awkward…"

Uruha: "You're one to talk." –starts dipping his tea bag back into his tea multiple times-

Aoi, Ruki and Reita: "WHAT?!!"

Kai: "Eh-heh…" –glares at Uruha- "… I hate you."

Uruha: -smiles cheekily- "That's what you get for trying to…" –realizes the other are staring at him and stops- "…uhhh nevermind." –starts sipping his tea incredibly slowly-

Reita: -turns back to Kai- "_You're_ gay?!!"

Kai: "No, no, no, no, no!!!" –shakes head- "It's just a joke Uruha and I have going on!! That's all! Right Uruha?"

Uruha: "I don't know what you're talking about gay-man."

Kai: O.O"""

Reita: "Let me get this straight… Uruha's gay, Kai's gay and…" –turns to Ruki- "…you're gay?!"

Ruki: -fingers him- "Of course not. I'm not clueless."

Kai: "Hey neither am I!!!"

Aoi: "Oh, so you _are_ gay?" –gives his famous smirk-

Kai: "No I didn't say that!!!" –red faced-

Ruki: -leans back in his chair- "Well this is definitely not where I saw the conversation heading…" –takes a sip of Coke-

**XxxxxxX**

**Contest**

Ruki: -comes bursting in through the studio doors- "Hey guys you'd never guess what I won!!!"

Kai: "A new car?"

Ruki: "No."

Aoi: "A better life than the one you have?"

Ruki: "What the hell? No!"

Reita: "Height?" –bursts out laughing-

Ruki: -glares _up_ at him- "Go die somewhere."

Uruha: "The chance to bang Aoi silly in a deserted park with chocolate sauce and fluffy handcuffs in the middle of the night?!!!"

The other members: -stare at him-

Uruha: -blushes- "Heh-heh… did I say that out loud?"

Kai: -so speechless all he can do is nod-

Reita: -turns to Aoi- "Well at least you'll know what to do for his birthday."

Aoi: -elbows him in the gut-

Reita: -laughs-

Ruki: -shakes head- "No Uruha. I did not win…" –long pause- "…_that_. I won the 'cutest Chibi look' in a Kimono contest!!!"

Aoi: -_- "Are you serious?"

Ruki: -happiness dies from face- "Yeah. Why?"

Reita: "Like I said yesterday… you're gay too."

Uruha: -snatches the piece of paper from Ruki's hands- "Hey!!! I was in that contest!!! How come they didn't pick me?!!"

Reita: "Because Uruha they didn't want someone who literally screams gay to be on the front page of the newspaper."

Uruha: "…"

Aoi: "Will you ever get tired of being a bastard?" -_-

Reita: "Will you ever get tired of being an emo?"

Aoi: "Touché."

**XxxxxxX**

**Too Gay**

-apartment buzzer rings-

Uruha: -jumps up from his seat- "My subscription to American Girl Magazine must be here!!" –runs to the door-

Reita: -rolls eyes after him- "Oh yeah. You're _real_ straight Uruha."

**XxxxxxX**

**Hair Style**

Aoi: -walks into the studio- "Hey guys, have any of you seen Uruha?"

Reita: -looks up from tuning his base guitar- "No. Why?"

Aoi: -holds up a small piece of lined paper- "Yeah. He left me a note saying he wanted to show me something, but I had to be here to see it."

Ruki: -shrugs, lighting up a cigarette- "Wow knows."

Kai: "Yeah… he didn't tell us anything Aoi."

Aoi: "Well I guess I'll just wait-" –freezes when he's turning around- -mouth falls open-

Ruki: "Aoi what were you… HOLY SHIT!!!"

Reita: -face pales-

Kai: "Oh my god!!!!" –runs into the other room screaming-

Uruha: -is completely bald and smiling at them all- "I'M LORD VOLDEMORT!!!!"


	6. Gackt and the Power of Gummy Bears

**Author's Note:**

**This chapter was a dream I had last year. I was looking through my journal entries, found this, re-read it, and thought you guys would all enjoy it. I remember waking up, laughing, and then rushing to type it out so I wouldn't forget it. And now, it's here before you all. **

**Enjoy!!!**

* * *

**XxxxxxX**

**Gackt and the Power of Gummy Bears**

**(-At an anime cafe-)**

Ruki: "So what do you guys think we should do on our days off?"

Aoi: -looks at Uruha- "You don't want me to answer that Ruki."

Reita: -facepalm- "You stupid horny bitch."

Aoi: -turns to Reita and smacks him over the back of the head- "I'm the horny one eh? Who's the one who keeps talking about Ruki? You want him bad, remember?" -smirks-

Reita: -blushing- "Shut up Aoi!!!"

Ruki: ...

Kai: "Well, this is awkward."

Shou and Nao: -walk in through the front door-

Shou: "Oh hey!!!" -waves at them- "What's up guys?" -pulls up a chair beside them-

Nao: -does the same- "Hey."

Ruki: "Not much Shou. I need some new bandmates, but that's about it."

Shou: "Uh-huh. Same. Ni~ya was being a real cow this morning."

Aoi: -rolls his eyes- "Seriously Shou, if you're going to insult someone do it properly. He was being a real _bitch_. Not a cow."

Shou: "But that's mean!" -looks horrified-

Nao: -ruffles a hand through Shou's hair- "You're so cute."

Ruki: "Are all my Jrocker friends gay?" -_-

Kai: "I'm not!" ^^

Aoi: "Are you forgetting about Meevs?"

Kai: "I don't get it..."

Aoi: "You and Meevs have a 'thing' duh."

Kai: "What're you talking about?!!"

Aoi: "I have pictures. And if you don't own up to being gay, I'll show them."

Kai: O.O "You wouldn't!"

Aoi: "I would. In fact-" -pulls a photograph out of his pocket- "I have one here..."

Kai: "Aoi don't!!!"

Aoi: -tosses it to Shou- "Take a look."

Shou: -suddenly looks confused- "I didn't think that was physically possible..."

Nao: -is looking at it over his shoulder- "We should try that sometime."

Uruha: "Let me see it!" -snatches it- "Holy shit Kai... I didn't know you had it in you to do that!"

Reita: -looks at it from beside him- "Whoa..."

Ruki: "Okay I get the point! Give Kai the photo so I don't have to see it!!!"

Aoi: "Awww Ruki-_chan_ is scared of gay men." -smirks again-

Ruki: "You suck."

Aoi: "I do."

Everyone else: ...

Aoi: "Sorry." ^^'

**(-In some random studio somewhere else-)**

Random guy: "Gackt, sir, your popularity has decreased by 30.7 percent since the Gazette's release of Distress and Coma."

Gackt: "What?!" -jumps out of chair he was sitting in and grabs statistics sheet- "How can this happen?! Surely they are not sexier than I, for I-" -turns to wall mirror- "-am very sexy."

Random guy: "Well, the thing is, Gackt, sir... the fangirls seem to like them better. They think Ruki is adorable, Reita is the coolest, Aoi's sexy, Uruha's to die for and Kai has a smile like-"

Gackt: "If you value your life, you will be quiet...now."

Random guy: "Sorry Gackt, sir."

Gackt: "What should I do about all of this? What can I do?"

Random guy: "Declare war on the Gazette and try to get revenge?"

Gackt: -looks thoughtful- "No. That's not it." -light bulb clicks over head- "I've got it! I'll declare war on the Gazette and try to get revenge!!"

Random guy: "But sir, I just said-"

Gackt: "Enough! Get out of here. I need to think of a plan..."

Random guy: -leaves-

Gackt: "Hmmm..." -pauses- "Ah-hah!!! I will have my revenge on the Gazette... and I will use the power of gummy bears to do it!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!"

**(-back at Anime cafe-)**

Shou: "So you guys are on your days off, ne?"

Ruki: "Yeah. But we have no idea what to do during our spare time."

Miyavi: -runs into the cafe- "Hi guys!!!!" -runs over to the table- "I just randomly got eight tickets from a total stranger in a long limo to go to this deserted island that no one knows about for free!!! We can go on vacation together!!!" -smiling huge-

Uruha: "Yeah. That sounds safe. But eight tickets?"

Miyavi: "Yeah. Me, you guys and of course Shou and Nao."

Shou: "Yay! We're included!" ^^

Reita: "Well, because none of what Miyavi said sounded suspicious at all, we should go!!!"

Kai: "Yeah!!!"

Aoi: "Guys... you do realize he probably got those tickets from Gac-"

Uruha: "Oh come on Aoi let's go!!!" -grabs his hand and pulls him outside after the others- "Just think, we'll be able to have sex on a beach!!!!"

Aoi: -totally forgot what he was going to say- "Heh-heh. This is going to be awesome."

**(-on the plane-)**

Shou: -is bouncing in his seat and looking out the window- "I can't believe we get to vacation with the Gazette!!! On a deserted island too!! I'm excited!!!"

Nao: "I know. The others are going to be so jealous."

Shou: "Ha-ha!!! That'll show Ni~ya!!! The stupid cow!!!"

Aoi: -leans back in his seat to see Shou- "I swear to God, I will throw you off the plane if you insult him one more time without calling him a bitch. Got it?"

Shou: O.O "Okay..." -shivers and curls into a little ball on his seat- "...I got it."

Kai: "Hmm, I wonder where we can get snacks?"

Reita: "Are you serious? We just ate a whole shitload of stuff at the cafe. You're hungry already?!"

Kai: -seems embarrassed- "Uh...no. I was just wondering."

Reita: -rolls eyes- "Right."

**(-on the island-)**

Ruki: "Hmmmm... how will the plane know when to pick us up?"

Reita: "No idea."

Uruha: -looking around the island- "Where the hell is the hotel?"

Shou: "Yeah... I don't see it either."

Random voice: "There is no hotel. You will all die here and no one will know!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!"

Ruki: "I know that voice!!!" -whirls around at that same time as everyone else- "Gackt!!!!"

Gackt: -is standing on a giant floating gummy bear- "And here I thought you were so smart Ruki... how sad."

Miyavi: -mouth falls open- "You were the guy in the limo?!!!"

Aoi: "I knew it!!!"

Shou: "What do you want from us?!!"

Nao: "He just said he wants to kill us Shou."

Shou: "Oh...right."

Gackt: "These are my opponents? Ha. I am ten times sexier and more god-like than you."

Uruha: "Says the guy standing on a giant gummy bear."

Gackt: -_- "Do not degrade the magical power of gummy bears Uruha. For they..." -lifts arms up into the air- "...will be your downfall!!!!"

-millions of gummy bears suddenly appear in the air-

Ruki: O.O "Shit."

Miyavi: "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!"

-All the Jrockers start running around in circles-

Aoi: -stops- "Wait... hold on..."

Gackt: "Yes?"

Aoi: "...you're huge and evil master plan is to kill us with _gummy bears_?"

Gackt: "You are just like your cross-dressing boyfriend... so naive."

Uruha: -stops- "Oh tell me you did not just say that!!"

Ruki: "Oh no..."

Uruha: -suddenly jumps up into the air and lands on the gummy bear by Gackt- "You're going to die pretty boy!!!" -jumps on him and starts pulling at his hair-

Gackt: "No!!! Not my drop-dead gorgeous hair!!!"

Aoi: "Go Uruha go!!!!"

-All the other Jrockers start cheering him on-

Gackt: -kicks Uruha off- "I will not be thwarted by a _woman_!"

Uruha: "You are so dead bitch!"

Aoi: -turns to Shou- "See? _That's _how you insult someone." -smiles proudly at Uruha-

Gackt: -starts throwing gummy bears at Uruha-

Uruha: -does matrix style dodges- "You're going to have to do better than that!!! I'm one of the guitarists of _**the Gazette**_! You can't even hope to beat me!!"

Gackt: "You may be part of the band that is killing my popularity, but I can beat you! For I am Gackt Camui. I am sexy, seductive and what every girl wants."

Aoi: "Hey! I have that in my about section of my Facebook page!!! You fuck face!!!" -jumps up onto the gummy bear behind Gackt- "That's copyrighted to me you moron!!!"

Gackt: "Damnit... so you have noticed I've stolen your lines." -pulls hand through his hair- "There's only one thing I can do in a situation like this..." -sits down on the gummy bear and starts bawling like crazy-

Aoi: O.e "I s he... _crying_?"

Uruha: -_- "Did _not_ see that one coming."

**(-Later, back in Tokyo-)**

Gackt: -is carted off to jail-

Aoi: "Good-bye epic failure!!!"

Shou: "See you later you back-stabbing, no-good bitch!!"

Aoi: -turns to Shou- "I'm so proud of you." -wipes tear from eye-

Shou: ^^

Ruki: -turns to Miyavi- "I blame this all on you. You were the one stupid enough to take the tickets."

Miyavi: "Hey!!! You all came with me!!!"

Nao: "He has a point."

Reita: "Who cares? Now Gackt's in jail and we still haven't had a decent enough vacation."

Kai: "Why don't we travel to a place where no one has heard of us?"

Ruki: "Like?"

Kai: -smiles- "Canada."

Aoi: "Sounds good to me."

-All head to Canada-

**(-Meanwhile in jail-)**

Gackt: "I will have my revenge... I will... right gummy?" -is holding a teddy-bear sized gummy bear- "...that's right. Daddy's going to have his revenge on those evil men. And my first target will be the woman. BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!"

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**Yeah... I DREAMT that!!! **

**Heh-heh. Good times.**


	7. FAIL

**XxxxxxX**

**Not Weak, Just Stupid**

Aoi: "Come on Kai!"

Kai: "I'm trying!"

Aoi: "Well obviously you're not trying hard enough!"

Kai: "You want to try?!"

Aoi: -rolls eyes- "Prove your manliness Kai! Push!!"

Kai: "This is impossible!"

Aoi: "Don't give up!"

Kai: "And what does this have to do with my manliness?!"

Aoi: "If you can't do this, I'll never let you live it down! Now hurry up! We're going to be late!"

Kai: "I can't do it!"

Aoi: "Kai, Reita could easily do this!"

Kai: "Have you seen Reita?! He's completely buff! And I think we both know I'm not like him!"

Reita: -comes around the corner- -sees them- "Guys… what're you doing?"

Aoi: "Kai's trying to prove he can do this."

Kai: "I think it's stuck or something! It won't budge!!"

Reita: -glances between the two of them- "Well that's because the door says _pull _not push."

**XxxxxxX**

**Babies**

Uruha: -is sitting on living room floor, flipping through a SHOXX magazine- "Hey Aoi…"

Aoi: -is leaning against the leather couch a few feet away, sipping coffee- -sits up and places the coffee mug on the table- "Yeah?"

Uruha: -looks at him- "Where do babies come from?"

Aoi: "The Cabbage Patch."

Uruha: -mouth falls open, eyes widen- "Are you serious?!!"

Aoi: -expressionless face-

Uruha: "Oh my god you are serious!!!" –SHOXX magazine falls from his hands- -left hand covers mouth in shock-

Ruki: -walks in- "What's Uruha yelling about now?" –sipping some tea-

Uruha: -uncovers mouth and looks at Ruki, horrified- "Ruki babies come from the Cabbage Patch!!!"

Ruki: -tea spews out of his mouth- "What?!!" –looks at Aoi and sees the raven-haired guitarist smirking as he starts to drink his coffee again- "You didn't…"

Aoi: -sips coffee, eyes sparkling playfully-

Ruki: -rolls eyes- "Typical."

Uruha: "Hang on a second…" –pauses- "If babies come from the Cabbage Patch, where do children up for adoption come from?" –looks at Aoi-

Aoi: -smiles behind his mug- "The grocery store."

Ruki: "Oh don't tell me he's going to…"

Uruha: "REALLY?!!"

Ruki: "…believe you." –facepalm-

**XxxxxxX**

**Failure**

Interviewer: "Can you cook? What're you especially good at?"

Aoi: "I can only heat up Curry…"

Interviewer: "You can only heat up Curry…" –starts laughing- "YEAH YOU'RE REALLY PUSHING IRON CHEF THERE AOI!!!"

Aoi: …

Interviewer: "Sorry."

**XxxxxxX**

**Crossing**

Uruha: -is standing at the edge of a street, waiting for the walk-signal-

Walk signal: -turns on-

Uruha: -glares at it-

Aoi: -is standing beside him- "Eh… Uruha… what're you doing? We can go…"

Uruha: -speaking through clenched teeth- "It's. Not. Beeping."

Aoi: -stares at him- "Excuse me?"

Uruha: "It's not beeping. I can't cross unless it beeps."

Aoi: -facepalm- "Uruha even though it's not beeping you can still cross. The signal is on."

Uruha: -briefly glares at him, then returns to glaring at the walk-signal- "But it's not beeping."

Aoi: "It doesn't matter if it's not beeping!!! We can still go!!!"

Uruha: -shakes head- "No we can't."

Aoi: "Yes we can!! Watch…" –walks halfway across the crosswalk- "…see?"

Uruha: "You're being stupid."

Aoi: "_I'm_ being stupid?! Come on Uruha, the signal is going to change!!"

Uruha: -crosses arms- "No. I'm not going."

Aoi: -sighs- -walks back to him- "Come on." –tries grabbing his wrist but fails to uncross Uruha's arms- -glares back at him- "You know we're going to be late for rehearsal again if we don't go."

Uruha: -sticks his tongue out at him-

Aoi: "Fine." –goes behind Uruha and starts pushing him forward-

Uruha: -remains completely frozen as Aoi tries pushing him-

Aoi: -fails to get Uruha to budge- "Uruha this is so-!!!" –lets out a frustrated cry- "We're going to be late for rehearsal!!"

Uruha: "If it's not beeping, that means we can't cross."

Aoi: -stares at him, mouth hanging open-

Reita: -walks up- "Oh hey guys. On your way to rehearsal?"

Aoi: -looks at him- "Reita!!!" –smiles hugely- "You can push Uruha!!"

Reita: "What? I don't under-"

Aoi: "Doesn't matter just push him!!!"

Aoi and Reita: -manage to push Uruha across the street-

Aoi: -looks at Uruha- "There. Was that really so bad?"

Uruha: "You made me cross when the beep-thing wasn't working!!" –sticks nose up in the air and storms down the sidewalk angrily-

Reita: "Beep-thing…?"

Aoi: "Oh never mind. Just go!"

Both: -run after Uruha-

**XxxxxxX**

**Failure part II**

Interviewer: "So Ruki, where did you get the idea for the album title: 'Stacked Rubbish?'"

Ruki: "Well," –adjusts sunglasses- "I was lacking inspiration so I looked around my hotel room and I happened to notice a pile of my laundry by the door. I thought to myself, 'wouldn't that be an interesting title?' So I went with it."

Interviewer: "Let me get this straight… you got your inspiration from a pile of _laundry_?"

Ruki: "Yes."

Interviewer: -stares at him-

Ruki: …

Interviewer: "Okay then…"

**XxxxxxX**

**You Have to Love the Guitarist**

Uruha: "Quick Gay-man! To the Jrockmobile!!"

Kai: "I hate you…"

**XxxxxxX**

**Issues**

Aoi: "C'mon Ruki, you've got to think up some song lyrics or we're sunk!"

Ruki: -thinks for a few seconds- "I got it!! I got it!!"

Aoi: -smiles- "Great!! What'd you come up with?!"

Ruki: "A massive headache."

Aoi: . . .

Ruki: "Eh-heh…"

**XxxxxxX**

**Autographs**

Miyavi: -is sitting beside Ruki at a special PSC autograph session- "Finally after signing seven thousand t-shirts, photos, posters, CDs and DVDs, it's all over. My hands feel like jelly. I can't sign anything else…"

Ruki: -shakes his head, grinning-

Random fangirl: -walks up to the table- "Hi Miyavi!!!" –squeals- "Could you sign my CD for me?!!" –Chibi eyes-

Ruki: -stifles his laughter behind his hand-

Miyavi: -tries to hide his pained expression as he picks up a marker- "Sure." –signs it and hands it back to her- -groans, slamming his head against the table and staying there- "What in the Jrock god's name did I do to deserve this?"

Ruki: "That's simple."

Miyavi: "Yeah?"

Ruki: "You were born."

Miyavi: "Gee, thanks."

**XxxxxxX**

**Eyes**

Uruha: -runs in, flailing arms- "Aoi!! Aoi help me!!!"

Aoi: -jumps to his feet and runs over to him- "What's wrong Uruha?!"

Uruha: "I can't see!!! I can't see!!"

Aoi: -panicked expression- "Why?! What happened?!"

Reita: -is sitting on the couch- -rolls eyes- "He has his eyes closed idiot."

**XxxxxxX**

**Money**

Ruki: -dials a number on his cell and waits-

Reita: -in his apartment- -answers his cell- "Hey, it's Reita."

Ruki: "Ruki here."

Reita: "Oh hey Ruki."

Ruki: -speaking quietly- "Hey Reita… could you loan me fifty bucks?"

Reita: "What was that? I can't hear you."

Ruki: "Can you loan me fifty bucks?!"

Reita: "Louder."

Ruki: "Can you loan me fifty bucks?!!!"

Reita: "Louder."

Ruki: "CAN YOU LOAN ME FIFTY BUCKS PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!"

Reita: "Sorry Ruki, I still can't here you."

Ruki: -just listens as Kai speaks up in the background-

Kai: -was sitting across the room from Reita- "Reita, I'm sitting over here and I can hear him just fine."

Reita: "Then you loan him the fifty bucks Kai!!"

Ruki: O_O

**XxxxxxX**

**Kawaii~**

Aoi: "You're cute."

Ruki: "No, you are."

Aoi: "No, you are."

Ruki: "No, you are."

Aoi: "You!"

Ruki: "You!"

Aoi: "You!"

Ruki: "You!" –waves a dismissive / embarrassed hand- "…oh, stop."

Aoi: "Eh, that was _really_ gay..."

Ruki: -facepalm- "…I know…"

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**I apologize for the late update. Life's been all over the place lately. This Fanfic always puts me in a good mood, so expect to see more frequent updates.**


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